Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
