haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
