so that wasnt chicken after all
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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