He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
