So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
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When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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