You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
