First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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