my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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