I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
