I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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