Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
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