I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
