Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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