No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
