so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
