real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
