my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
