I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
