There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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