I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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