so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
