he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
