She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Randomize
