We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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