recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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