That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
