my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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