its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
