my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize