Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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