I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
