Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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