Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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