It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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