I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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