it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
