then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
