Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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