I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
