i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
