Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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