We got so high we made milksteak
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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