I'm lost and stupid without you.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
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Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
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I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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