I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
We have so much sex to catch up on
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
