when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Life is so much better after having sex.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize