i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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