Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
