Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
