Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I cut my penus on the lid.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
