I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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