Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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