i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Blood and glitter go together right?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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