You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
