last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
