I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
