i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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