if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
