did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
