I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
