he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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