If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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