Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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