There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i came on her dog
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
