If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
