Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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