the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
