it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
